I am a flawed man. The mistakes of my past are many and I’ll never downplay the effect where I’ve been has on my daily life. Like most x-cons I struggle to survive and to find meaning amidst that survival.
See, I renounced who I was at my core. I swore that I would never be that human being again. I invited the God of my Heart into those broken places and have fought tenaciously to live up to the call I feel on my life.
Does that mean my life has gotten easier? Absolutely not. Straight out the gate some friends of mine set me up doing staging for corporate events making thirty dollars an hour. I had no car so I rode the bus. One day I was 3 hours late because I had to go downtown to take a UA- which is one of my requirements of release from prison. The company took it in stride and continued to feed me work.
The next time it came up I chose work first and doubled back to downtown. It was pouring down rain when I walked outside. I thanked God for the life in my lungs and the opportunity to earn money all the same. Well, the bus ran late because of weather and I made it downtown by 4:55. They had switched the times for UA to before 4:30 which means I was now in violation.
Three days in jail for that mistake. Did I complain? No, I served my three days and took it as an opportunity to share my story with the young men facing prison. I inspired whoever would listen to make the change no matter how hard it is. I wrote The Stone The Builder Refused and prayed with one of the guards the morning I left.
Coronavirus happened and corporate staging went by the wayside like so many other jobs out there. Eventually, I adapted and switched paths after months of being reliant on other peoples kindness.
Anyways, I started at a warehouse making around $1,500 a month. The gentleman who hired me was a nice guy and that’s such a rarity these days that I decided to turn down other offers on the table. I decided to stay with him even if it wasn’t a lot of money.
Well, my background came back today and he’s giving the job to someone else. This other cat doesn’t have near the support network in place that I do and I know his need is greater than mine. Besides, who am I to fault people for making decisions that they feel are safer for them and their loved ones?
Even when times are difficult- especially when they are difficult- I pray. I thank God that I’m free and get to have these luxury problems. I thank God I was given an opportunity to prove I can do warehouse work at 37. I thank God my indeed inbox has four more clients interested in bringing me in for interviews.
See, I trust the God I serve. No matter what happens I will be okay and I know that deep down in my bones. So, if you struggle with trust I just wanted to drop a line and tell you everything will be okay. You way will always be paved for you even when it seems hopeless.
Never give up on yourself and we feel like giving up, pray.
“See the birds of the sky, that they don’t sew, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns. Your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you of much more value than they?”-Matthew 6:26